Update...

It's been a while since we've posted, I know. I apologize profusely for this. I offer the following excuse: I gave birth a month ago, and the last few months of my pregnancy were horrible health wise, full of pregnancy problems. Not to mention my beloved community has been devastated by massive floods. We were lucky not to get hit because we live up on a huge hill but so many friends and loved ones have had their houses and possessions swept away or otherwise damaged.

I wont go into major details about the flooding, but needless to say, it was absolutely horrible. The entire town of High River, Alberta was pretty much under water, downtown of Calgary Alberta was shut down, train tracks were pretzel-ed due to the massive force of the water currents, it was just horrifying. So, prayers for the families there would be appreciated.

However, there has not been a day that has passed that I haven't wondered if someone here - or on our facebook page, or on the many sites we "like" and "follow" - has found their birth family. I've had a few reports from other sites celebrating finding their birth family, and I celebrate each one. My heart is absolutely full when I see those stories.

That's what I love about the adoption community, no matter what side of it you're on -- we celebrate each other's successes, and mourn with those in mourning. We are together, we don't compete against each other's sites/pages/organizations. We rally together to bring each other together, to support each other and to promote awareness of the beautiful thing adoption truly is!

So, as for an "update"...

We now have 204 people on the "master list"! Has it ever grown! I'm so proud of it, and hope it keeps growing so we may help even just one person! It will all be worth it in the end if it even helps one person find their birth family! Lets keep rallying together!

Efforts are continually being made to find a better way of finding matches and making the list more user friendly. I have yet to find a database that "I like" that can match the way I want it to one day. Unfortunately, the way I want it to be requires a lot of man-hours and a computer literacy that I simply do not possess (and I'm pretty computer literate). If anyone out there knows of a database or program that may fit out style, please feel free to make a comment and point me in that direction!

Please also know that contact information that is given onto the list is NEVER used by us for any purpose other than to report a match. Please don't ever give out personal emails, addresses, passwords, etc to anyone you don't know. If you are "meeting" with a potential match, please do so in a safe way, in a public place with trusted accompaniment. And be smart about things. Ask questions only the "match" would know to verify the match.

We love you all and hope you all are having a great summer! We love comments and love making connections with other sites and people! Send us some love!

Baby Mary - 25 years later

"Baby Mary" Picture Courtesy of The Calgary Herald.

This story is very close to my heart. I've only heard about it once, and that was today, but its definitely marked its place. Its a story about a baby, abandoned in a parking-lot in 1987 in my home town (the same year I was born). Two teenagers found her in a parking-lot with the cord, afterbirth still attached. Her head was exposed and she was placed between two cars so she would be seen.  The hospital named her "baby Mary" and she became the spotlight of the city. Its been 25 years and she decided to come forth about her birth, adoption, and her life after-wards.

When I came across this article I was afraid to read it. As a birth mother, sometimes articles about "abandonment" rubs me the wrong way. I just want to reach out and tell every pregnant teen that they don't have to just abandon the baby in a parking lot or anything, they can do it safely at so many places with no questions asked. I also understand the fear and the emotions and hormones that go through a young woman's head when she finds out she's pregnant. Things back then were not as they are now - teen pregnancy was not "celebrated" as much as it is now. It was a HUGE and horrible thing and it brought shame on you and your entire family. So you can understand how it could enter the mind of a young girl's mind that she must hide her pregnancy and be rid of it asap (remember that abortions were also a huge shameful thing back then and were not medically advanced and not always available).

Now to be clear I DON'T agree with abandonment in any way, shape, or form; HOWEVER, when someone in those articles RELATES abandonment with an actual adoption/relinquishment it kills me. I want to shake that person and say "NO IT IS NOT THE SAME! I did not abandon my child, I placed my child in a better life". Now-a-days, in our society, I personally don't think there is any reason that there should be any "abandoned" babies. Its not harder to place a  baby in the arms of a "Safe Haven" and walk away than to put the baby in a parking-lot and walk away (however, that's just an opinion).

I can also understand why people would related abandonment to adoption. It hurts me and cuts me deep, but I can understand WHY people would have that thinking. A lot of it depends on upbringing, religion, personal experience, etc. I don't in any way agree with these people, because I'm a birth mother and would never even THINK about abandoning my children (adopted or raised), but I did place a child for adoption 6 years ago. In the article it says how "Mae" (the adoptive mother whose name has been changed for privacy) told her daughter how her birth mother was just not ready to be a mommy - that's the story Mary was raised on. When Mary was a teenager, though, this story just would not suffice. So she was told the real story, accompanied with a scrapbook of all the newspaper clippings from her birth. When Mary read through it all she exclaimed:

"I was left in a garbage bag? In a parking lot?” she asked, her eyes widening in horror. “It was a garbage bag, but you weren’t garbage,” Mae assured her, explaining that her head was exposed so she could breathe. “She also put you in a visible spot so someone could find you.” (© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald)

I really appreciated here how Mae tried to show that the birth mother didn't just abandon her, but tried to make sure someone could find her (This was also back before "SafeHavens"). It really made me appreciate the adoptive mom and how she understood the birth mother's intentions. After some time, Mary started to insult her birth mother when she talked about her, until one day, when Mary was 16, she learned a 14-year-old girl in her school was pregnant. This changed her perspective. 

"She’s just a child,” Mary, 16, said to her mom. “That’s my birth mom, right there. Maybe she did it not to hurt me, but to help me.” (© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald)

Anyway, the story ends happy, Mary once again lives in Alberta, her adoption went through to her loving foster parents (who from the moment they heard about her in the newspaper they knew they had to have her), and she was raised to be a beautiful woman, married, and having a wonderful life. She hopes to be able to thank her birth mother for giving her more, and to hear her side of the story.

Take what you'd like from this story, its a beautiful read. I really hope that people become more accepting to the idea of placing a baby for adoption instead of feeling they "Have to raise" the baby due to family pressure, or abortions or abandonment. Placing for adoption doesn't make you weak, it just shows you care about someone more than yourself. Please help educate young people about the wonderful thing adoption can be and that it IS an option.

If you wish to know more about "Safe Surrender" sites, go HERE.

*Disclaimer - while there is no "Safe-Haven" laws/safe surrender laws in Canada, however, please remember that adoption is always an option and that there ARE options. When in doubt, contact a local adoption agency or a local Child and Family Services.*

Les Mis

I was reading one of my favorite adoption pages today, The R House, and their post today was about Les Miserables. If you have not seen the movie, it is amazing! Coming from a theater background, it was simply incredible on screen and came together so well!

Anyway, The R House related Les Mis to adoption, which I think is incredibly appropriate. For those who have never seen it, basically ValJean "adopts" Collette after her mother died. Collette's mother, Fantine, was left alone to raise her daughter, worked for her living, but left her daughter in the care of some inn-keepers (who were just evil to poor little Collette). When Fantine lost her job because it was discovered she had a child out of wedlock, she became a prostitute to pay the high/fake dues she was being charged by the inn-keepers for the care of her daughter. When ValJean rescues Collette, he becomes a father in a very sudden and unexpected way, much like adoption. (Disclaimer - Please remember that we birth mothers are not all in that situation where we are at the bottom pit, prostituting, drug users, etc. We simply knew we could not give our child what they needed). 

They actually composed a song simply for ValJean to sing in the movie that was not in the Musical. It was to express this "sudden" way of becoming a father. When I saw it in the theaters, I cried because I know this was how so many adoptive parents felt, but it was also how I felt when I had not only my birth son, but my own two (soon-to-be-three) children with my husband.



Suddenly I see
Suddenly it starts
Can two anxious hearts beat as one?
Yesterday I was alone
Today you walk beside me
Something still unclear
Something not yet here has begun.

Suddenly the world
Seems a different place
Somehow full of grace and delight.
How was I to know that so much hope was held inside me?
What has passed is gone
Now we journey on through the night

How was I to know at last that happiness can come so fast?
Trusting me the way you do
I’m so afraid of failing you
Just a child who cannot know that danger follows where I go
There are shadows everywhere
And memories I cannot share

Nevermore alone
Nevermore apart
You have warmed my heart like the sun.
You have brought the gift of life
And love so long denied me.

Suddenly I see
What I could not see
Something suddenly
Has begun.


Isn't it just beautiful? It just makes me have goosebumps every time I hear it. Its beautiful! I know that personally, as a birth mother, the line that hit me the most was "Trusting me the way you do, I'm so afraid of failing you". While pregnant, and not sure what I would decide - adoption or parenting - I always felt that way, that I was so afraid of failing my unborn child. Any parent can tell you that they feel the same way about the children they parent (especially first time parents and I know I constantly feel that way even now), but it was even worse while pregnant and alone and deciding the fate of my child. I could not fail him. He trusted me to do the right thing, and I could not fail him. I can imagine how a lot of adoptive parents must feel, having a child entrusted to them, how they must feel about "not failing" their birth mothers and their adoptive children. What a huge weight to bear that must be. 

And The R House definitely hits it right on the nail when they said 

"But, I was not prepared for Eponine’s line, “He was never mine to lose.”That line hit me like a ton of bricks and I thought about that baby we held for 3 days before we went home with his mama."

Yes, you guys have got that right. It hit me hard in the theaters too. Being a birth mother, I held my son for 1.5 days before he went home with his adoptive parents. But he was never mine to lose - he always belonged with them and I believe that with all my heart. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though, and I still feel like a part of him will always be mine in my heart. But he is theirs and I have no doubt about that. "He was never mine to lose". He was always theirs. 

Ps. I LOVE Hugh Jackman hehe. And listening to him sing is awesome for me! 

Featuring BIB

Today is Feature Friday! I hope to be able to feature people/places/things that I love and are related to adoption at least 2 times a month! My thought behind this is simply to help grow and connect the adoption community! There are so many of us in this community - birth mothers, birth fathers, birth families, birth children/adopted children, adoptive families, etc - and by connecting us all we can help understand each other better and help us make others aware of our beautiful community!

So, without further ado, I could like to feature one of our awesome sponsors Blessings in a Basket! 

I have had the opportunity to work within the BIB community, and have loved every minute of it. Their mission is "Grafting Lives Together Through Our Birth Mom Community". They provide so much to birth mothers to help them heal, remember, move on, and provide support. The provide placement baskets (that can be ordered through their website), monthly support groups with other birth moms from across the continent, retreats, BTG 5K runs, free adoption celebration walks across the country, life couches and so much more! 

Ashley Mitchell, the founder of BIB, has proclaimed birth mothers "Big Tough Girls" or BTGs. She founded this non-profit organization in 2010 and has been growing this community ever since. She, herself, is a birth mother, as well as a mother of 2. She is at every monthly support group, almost every adoption walk, on with the birth moms on the private birth mother support Facebook group, and is just an amazingly strong woman. She is an inspiration to so many, and I for one am so grateful to know her. 

If you would like to learn more about BIB or BTGs you can visit their website HERE, or see their Facebook page HERE. They have a Blog as well. If you would like to purchase some of their amazing swag to help support birth mothers everywhere you can visit their shop on their webpage or Facebook page! 

If you know a birth mom, or soon-to-be birth mother and would like to purchase one of their amazing baskets, you can do so through their shops. 

Or, if you don't need swag but would like to help support our wonderful birth moms, you can Donate here!

Thanks for all you guys do at BIB! We love you guys!!

Climbing upwards

I am so blessed and so grateful to have friends who believe in me and in this project. I have had so much help designing the blog and suggestions on how to make things better, and I just love it! I couldn't do it without their help! 

Just as a little update, we now have over 70 people in our database! I am just over the moon! I hope we just keep growing bigger and bigger so that people have an even greater chance of finding matches! I always keep an eye out on the internet (Facebook in particular) to see if anyone out there matches any of our people in our database, just in case! Its just getting me so exciting that someday we could have a real match and help someone! How exciting does that sound?!

Anyway, we are working everyday to make our blog better and make our database easier to use. Keep sharing us with whomever you can so that we can get more people on our database! We are making such great Progress! 

So to end the post, here is something to ponder on today!

Behind the List

I'm Christie. I am a birth  mother of 6 years. I was blessed to have an open adoption, and be able to know my birth son as he grows up. He is in a perfect family. He has wonderful, loving, amazing, incredible parents, and a best friend of a little brother. He is happy, and he is where he should be. Again, I'm blessed to have this knowledge.

Lately, as with most of you I'm sure, I have seen those "Help Me Find" pictures - People asking you to share the picture in hopes of finding their birth mother/father/child/family. I think its great. Fabulous even. Then the other person can know you are searching for them. Now, sometimes the other person may not want to be found for a plethora of different reasons - all of which will be discussed at later dates. But, at least they know the other person is out there looking, right?

The "Master List". That's what I'm choosing to call this. In short, its a form you fill out with as much information you can, and as much info as you know. It goes into my database, and manually you can look for a match. Its all manual now, because I do not have the resources yet to make it find you automatic matches (though I hope I will soon). But you can search through the other entries  see if they match your information. I will also be searching through them to find matches. I hope with all my heart, that soon we will find someone a match. Even if it connects one family together it will be worth it to me, though I hope it connects more than just one.

Adoption is very special to me. I don't think of it as separating from a loved one (though sometimes that is the case). I believe it has the capacity and capability of connecting two families together, into one big family. Its not always the case, for many reasons, but when this connection happens, it is wonderful. That is what I hope to have happen here. I believe with all my heart, and from personal experience, that adoption is about LOVE. The Love of a birth mother for her birth child, the Love of an adoptive family for the birth mother and the adopted child, and a love of a child for both all her parents.

*Disclaimer* I am not responsible for the results of this page. It is a "help," not a guarantee. I will never use your information for anything without your permission. Please, PLEASE, use common sense, and BE CAREFUL as well.