Baby Mary - 25 years later

"Baby Mary" Picture Courtesy of The Calgary Herald.

This story is very close to my heart. I've only heard about it once, and that was today, but its definitely marked its place. Its a story about a baby, abandoned in a parking-lot in 1987 in my home town (the same year I was born). Two teenagers found her in a parking-lot with the cord, afterbirth still attached. Her head was exposed and she was placed between two cars so she would be seen.  The hospital named her "baby Mary" and she became the spotlight of the city. Its been 25 years and she decided to come forth about her birth, adoption, and her life after-wards.

When I came across this article I was afraid to read it. As a birth mother, sometimes articles about "abandonment" rubs me the wrong way. I just want to reach out and tell every pregnant teen that they don't have to just abandon the baby in a parking lot or anything, they can do it safely at so many places with no questions asked. I also understand the fear and the emotions and hormones that go through a young woman's head when she finds out she's pregnant. Things back then were not as they are now - teen pregnancy was not "celebrated" as much as it is now. It was a HUGE and horrible thing and it brought shame on you and your entire family. So you can understand how it could enter the mind of a young girl's mind that she must hide her pregnancy and be rid of it asap (remember that abortions were also a huge shameful thing back then and were not medically advanced and not always available).

Now to be clear I DON'T agree with abandonment in any way, shape, or form; HOWEVER, when someone in those articles RELATES abandonment with an actual adoption/relinquishment it kills me. I want to shake that person and say "NO IT IS NOT THE SAME! I did not abandon my child, I placed my child in a better life". Now-a-days, in our society, I personally don't think there is any reason that there should be any "abandoned" babies. Its not harder to place a  baby in the arms of a "Safe Haven" and walk away than to put the baby in a parking-lot and walk away (however, that's just an opinion).

I can also understand why people would related abandonment to adoption. It hurts me and cuts me deep, but I can understand WHY people would have that thinking. A lot of it depends on upbringing, religion, personal experience, etc. I don't in any way agree with these people, because I'm a birth mother and would never even THINK about abandoning my children (adopted or raised), but I did place a child for adoption 6 years ago. In the article it says how "Mae" (the adoptive mother whose name has been changed for privacy) told her daughter how her birth mother was just not ready to be a mommy - that's the story Mary was raised on. When Mary was a teenager, though, this story just would not suffice. So she was told the real story, accompanied with a scrapbook of all the newspaper clippings from her birth. When Mary read through it all she exclaimed:

"I was left in a garbage bag? In a parking lot?” she asked, her eyes widening in horror. “It was a garbage bag, but you weren’t garbage,” Mae assured her, explaining that her head was exposed so she could breathe. “She also put you in a visible spot so someone could find you.” (© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald)

I really appreciated here how Mae tried to show that the birth mother didn't just abandon her, but tried to make sure someone could find her (This was also back before "SafeHavens"). It really made me appreciate the adoptive mom and how she understood the birth mother's intentions. After some time, Mary started to insult her birth mother when she talked about her, until one day, when Mary was 16, she learned a 14-year-old girl in her school was pregnant. This changed her perspective. 

"She’s just a child,” Mary, 16, said to her mom. “That’s my birth mom, right there. Maybe she did it not to hurt me, but to help me.” (© Copyright (c) The Calgary Herald)

Anyway, the story ends happy, Mary once again lives in Alberta, her adoption went through to her loving foster parents (who from the moment they heard about her in the newspaper they knew they had to have her), and she was raised to be a beautiful woman, married, and having a wonderful life. She hopes to be able to thank her birth mother for giving her more, and to hear her side of the story.

Take what you'd like from this story, its a beautiful read. I really hope that people become more accepting to the idea of placing a baby for adoption instead of feeling they "Have to raise" the baby due to family pressure, or abortions or abandonment. Placing for adoption doesn't make you weak, it just shows you care about someone more than yourself. Please help educate young people about the wonderful thing adoption can be and that it IS an option.

If you wish to know more about "Safe Surrender" sites, go HERE.

*Disclaimer - while there is no "Safe-Haven" laws/safe surrender laws in Canada, however, please remember that adoption is always an option and that there ARE options. When in doubt, contact a local adoption agency or a local Child and Family Services.*